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**Premium Member '02 R170 SLK V8 5.0 & '00 SLK320
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8,321 Posts
Discussion Starter · #2,926 ·
Genius is an understatement ..................

I can just imagine the conversation during a recent Defence Budget Audit ...................

Audit Investigator :-

"Where on earth did you spend £87 Billion from the past years Annual Defence Budget"

After a short pause ................

Defence Budget Administrator, (Via Skype whilst using Satellite Comms, sporting his new diamond encrusted Rolex and surrounded by scantily clad young ladies as he is relaxing on his new 80ft Princess Motor Yacht moored just off his huge Mediterranean Island he recently purchased) :-

"Well you can't actually see what we built because they are Stealth Fighters and therefore invisible"


:ROFLMAO:
 

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**Premium Member '02 R170 SLK V8 5.0 & '00 SLK320
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8,321 Posts
Discussion Starter · #2,927 · (Edited)
A lot of folks seem to be having trouble with their OBD Reader ....



So I concluded ....

 

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**Premium Member '02 R170 SLK V8 5.0 & '00 SLK320
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8,321 Posts
Discussion Starter · #2,928 ·
A man calls Pizza Hut to order a pizza...



CALLER: Is this Pizza Hut?
GOOGLE: No sir, it's Google Pizza.
CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number, sorry.
GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.
CALLER: OK. I would like to order a pizza.
GOOGLE: Do you want your usual, sir?
CALLER: My usual? You know me?
GOOGLE: According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
CALLER: Super! That’s what I’ll have.
GOOGLE: May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?
CALLER: What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza!
GOOGLE: Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
CALLER: How do you know that?
GOOGLE: Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
CALLER: Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.
GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at Lloyds Pharmacy, 4 months ago.
CALLER: I bought more from another Pharmacy.
GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
CALLER: I paid in cash.
GOOGLE: But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
CALLER: I have other sources of cash.
GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your latest tax returns unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law!
CALLER: WHAT THE !!!
GOOGLE: I'm sorry sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
CALLER: Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without the internet, TV, where there is no phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.
GOOGLE: I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago...
 

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**Premium Member '02 R170 SLK V8 5.0 & '00 SLK320
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8,321 Posts
Discussion Starter · #2,929 ·
Oh, OK, OK, go on then :p

Since I don't have any useful progress on anything car wise due to everything life, work, solicitors, social services, hospitals, builders merchants and suppliers, weather and many other things getting in the way atm here's today's feeble offering :D ....

Rectangle Cartoon Font Parallel Handwriting
 

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**Premium Member '02 R170 SLK V8 5.0 & '00 SLK320
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8,321 Posts
The Spider has been drinking and got legless :ROFLMAO: .............

Somewhat like Mel and I did tonight, and I just know we are gonna feel rough as a bears ass tommorrow .............

We gotta go to a meeting with a Social Services manager called Carys tomorrow regards Mels Mum, well I just know I'm gonna mess up and call 'er "Clarice .... scha scha scha scha scha", (think Silence of the Lambs) ;) ....................

Onwards and downwards ...............................................................................................................
 

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**Premium Member '02 R170 SLK V8 5.0 & '00 SLK320
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8,321 Posts
Discussion Starter · #2,935 ·

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**Premium Member '02 R170 SLK V8 5.0 & '00 SLK320
Joined
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8,321 Posts
Discussion Starter · #2,936 ·

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**Premium Member '02 R170 SLK V8 5.0 & '00 SLK320
Joined
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8,321 Posts
Discussion Starter · #2,938 ·
We know the husband and wife in Dornie who got shot, and I very likely know the guy who did it judging by the Subaru that was all surrounded by cops in Dornie. Those Subarus like that one are quite rare up here in road trim, mostly they are rally cars or uber modded boy racers ;)

I used to gig that (Sleat) area of Skye and know most folks down there.

Certainly have a pretty solid theory of what happened and why ;)

Mel is at work tomorrow morning so the local grape vine will fill in the missing pieces of the puzzle ;)
 

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Administrator (Canada)
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23,057 Posts
Ah, it is very sad that these sorts of things happen. BUT also be aware that "side discussions" in this or any thread about police, govt action (or inaction), guns, etc are not allowed. Not saying such discussions have occured in this example but, please just consider it an FYI (y).
 

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**Premium Member '02 R170 SLK V8 5.0 & '00 SLK320
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8,321 Posts
Discussion Starter · #2,940 · (Edited)
Yes it was our local friends (Husband and Wife local osteopath) in Dornie who were both attacked with fire arm, he is serious in Glasgow Hosp, she is comfortable in Broadford.

The guy on Skye who died at the scene is also known to me as I said earlier, know him from the gigs I used to do in Sleat area.

I am also almost certain I know the perp now the news and grapevine is unfolding, I suspect the first lady who was attacked with a blade was the perps wife / g/f read into that what you will, but if it was so then my suspicion of the why-fore-didya-do-it looks like it may be correct.

Anyways, end of story now, as I'm aware it is a sensitive subject what with Forum Rules and the Cops are not naming names at this stage ;)

I have still got more and more hassles unfolding with all our current life issues, nothing is simple, one step forward and 2 steps back right now, and to cap it all I now have 2 aggro deceased Sprinter Vans littering the yard :(

 
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