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itz 14 minutz to 4 (gittin up tym) an I jusz now got in tha houze. Ya'll sit bak an git confi cauz im havin ta rite this reel sloo cauz im stil fillin peeked.
Bubba'z bin beetin hiz heed agin tha mill ston sinc I tole him Bill waz stil needin hep wid mony fer dis lettr writin bizniz. Wel Bubba an cuzin Bustba cam up wid tha purict plan. Thay wood driv a lode of firse run shine ta Billz houze ever week an Bill culd sel it fur a profitt. wells Bill musta sayd sumthin ta mak Bubba madurn a hornit cauz aftur suppr las nit, me an mama tuuk tha dishez out onda proch sooz thim dawgs culd likum cleen an tha clothz lin waz hummin bad. I tyd my strang an can to that wyr an it bout viberaded outa myhand, It waz cummin frum Bubbazplace up tha holler. Bubba had ever bodi in tha valle figtn mad bout whut Bill sayd. Thay all node I waz peeked soz radder thin have me an mama trek up to Bubba'z they tol all tha kin ta meetin waz at my plac (that waz at 5 thirdy lass evinin an 28 jugs of my finist sippin sider ago). Las tym we had that manny kin in won placz waz whin uncle Verrsi up an dyd bak in 47. Mi voicz is givin out soo mama is gonna finish thiz, Ifn ya'll caint keep up wid her hollar an ill slower doun, mama lerned short handded typin in tha army.

Well, howdy folks, I dont git much pratice writin since dug lerned ta rite, but here goes: Dug an Bubba was talkin and decided to run a competition ever month of a sort to hep raze mony for Bills letter ritin biznis(this here for um) Thay both decide thay could do with a new pair of shoes every other year, stead of every year (share the load dug calld it). Well Bubba not to be out did by dug cided ta strik out first wid a idea of hiz on.Since he runs 2 runs of cider per day( 65 gallons per run) he wuud give Bill a load to sale. Bubba makz about 50 cents proffitt per jug. (50 cents tymes 65 jugs is a heep of money). When Bubba got Bills letter sayn that waz agin tha law where he livd, well Bubba wint nutz callin Bill a govnmeint man communest an some word I aint allowed to repeet. Tuuk dug all night to settle tha kin frum drivin to Florider to git Bill but he gotter dun. Weez gonna sell all tha cider her and dug an Bubba an all our kin are gonna match tha mony ever month what is spent over cost by any one feller or gurl in the Slky stor. Let me splain it like dug wuud ifn he could talk, cept he caint now cause his voice is gone frum tha meetin...Tha person who spinds tha mostest money in July at Bill'z Slinky stor buys 500.00 worf a stuff and tha proffit to tha store is 100.00 thin dug will chunk in 100.00 to match that in tha name of tha person who spent that money (fer Premium membership fer that person) Dug says Bill will name tha winner on tha lass day of july and only dug an him will no how much but ever body will no who won an theys membership would be stended accoringly. Now, dug is motionin,,, either he is chokin or hez swallered som chew down his sore throat,,,ah there, hez better just took some red eye gravy an coffee .(((((((((((( He said ifn any of ya'll can come up wid a better plan bein as how ya'll all think your richern he iz braggin bout yur wheelz an doorz what goes up in tha air an stuff like that,))))))))))))) oh I waznt sposed to write that. hand me that raser then.......It aint cummin off, I done wore a hole in tha pitur tube.. Bac up an put crooked lines around what they aint posed to see??? oh that means you waz thinkin aloud an thay caint see that ,,, OK how do I bac up that line thing thin?? oh tha arrer, dang dug is smarter then I thought he wuz. He still caint git tha carbon paper in that printin thing though. He rerote a letter 4 timez tha other day so he could have 4 copys to send off.. I shor wish I coulda stayd in tha army one mor year, I near bout wore out all thim clothes they gave me an thim new clothes they give out now aint even green, thays brown an purdyer then my Sundy dress an thay fit loose soos you can swell into them shirts for nin monfs widout nobody noticin. Well its 5 am an thars chorez ta do so, yall cipher an good luck to tha winner of this monfs compitition. Im gonna tri thim crokked linez while dugs out feedin tha hogs (((((((((Ya''ll folks hep dug out, hiz healf is failin cauze of worri'in bout this letter writen bizniz of Bill'z, and ifn any of ya'll figure how to use carbon paper in this here typinwriter let him no, wez spend 3 extra dollars on coal oil fer tha lamps last month, him stayin up late takin that thing apart an puttin it back together, weez bout outa bailin wir too.))))))))))
 

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I'm almost embarassed I could read that. :biglaugh:
 
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