You're too stupid to own a computer
Okay, I just had to add this from my "Funny Story Hall of Fame"
This is the actual dialog of a former WORDPERFECT Customer Support
"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WORDPERFECT."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WORDPERFECT, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type?"
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a T.V. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
..."Yes, I think so."
"Great ! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if its plugged into the wall."
.... "YES , it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"Well, there are . I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
.... "Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if its plugged securely into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, its not because I don't have the right angle-its because its dark."
"Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power.... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
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