Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Eastern US
Vehicle: 2005 SLK 350
Other Toys: H20 V-Dubs, MK1s
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BREAKING NEWS: WTF NEWS 69 is live on the scene in Smallsville, UK where this evening, a horrendous accident took place. A young man, early 20s, who police have identified as "Eminem Tu Pac Snoop Dog Johnson" was involved in a single car, three bunny accident. Tonight we interviewed the driver of the car, who was still noticeably traumatized by the ordeal. With tears in his eyes and a quiver in his voice, Mr. Johnson had this to say: "I was driving peacefully through the country, obeying all traffic laws and being especially careful not to exceed the posted speed limit. I had just left the blood donation clinic and was on my way to volunteer at the homeless shelter. Out of nowhere came this tricked up convertible Mercedes, which sped up behind me and stayed inches from my bumper. I could literally smell the Gummi lube. Excuse me I need a tissue.....I slowed down and moved over as far as I could but the driver wouldn't pass me. I could see him in the rear view, a beverage in each hand and fire in his eyes. He refused to pass, just kept swerving and cursing and motioning for me to get out of his way...sniff....this kept on for several miles until I had a chance to turn onto a well known shortcut around town. He stayed right behind me, waving his beveraged arms and screaming at me. We finally came to a straightway and he passed me. I think he threw up a peace sign, but he was going so fast I can't be sure. As he passed, to my horror I saw some little white bunnies nibbling away in a roadside clover patch. They were instantly startled and the three smallest bunnies ran out into the road. I'll never get that image out my mind, their terror stricken eyes and their little mouths still full of clover. The dust from the Mercedes turned two of them brown. The third one was covered in black particulate, obviously from the noxious fumes spilling from the death machine racing down the road in front of me. I swerved my car, oh God I SWERVED MY CAR! But...but it was too late....my Golf had killed the Rabbits (pun intended). My wheels left the tarmac, and as my car started to spin I could see pieces of my car, bits of clover, and chunks of rabbit flying all around. When I finally came to a stop the Mercedes was long gone. Sniff...who's going to tell that mommy bunny that her kids won't be home tonight? WHO??!!".
Witnesses to the atrocity describe the perpetrating vehicle as a late model Mercedes Benz SLK, most likely the AMG 55 model. One witness reported that the cars specialized liscence plate read "DED BUNI". The driver of the car is still unknown, but it is registered to one Grommit3528. Mr. Grommit is still at large, considered armed (with a key FOB), and may be extremely dangerous. Police caution against any interaction, and urge anyone with information regarding his whereabouts to report immediately to local authorities. A special computer forensics team has already begun the task of scouring related Internet forums for possible clues. Tune in again as we will offer frequent updates to this hair raising story.
This is news anchor Amanda Hugnkiss signing off.
"Whew, I'm hungry. Who's up for some Hassenpfeffer?".
"Uh, Amanda....AMANDA! We're still rolling....". Beeeeeeep.....blip....